Return to CBS

Today was our return to CBS after a long absence because we could not take Tara out during flu season, and mom had gotten sick before Christmas. So it was such a blessing to be back among Christians talking about Christ and discussing God and His word. I do not realize how much I miss that until I am back among it. We are still studying Romans, so tomorrow I will have some thoughts from Paul to share. Today there was the comment that we are a letter from God to the world. I want to let that soak in and roll around in my mind and heart a bit tonight. It feels very profound and meaningful.

An answer to Prayer--Proverbs 22:6

(KJV) Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.Proverbs 22:6 Tonight I had my niece at the house for awhile. We have not had her over much since she stopped almost living with us and homeschooling with Tara last June. Once she started going to the Charter school and daycare situations she was sick a lot, and our schedules never seemed to mesh up, and Tara has been sick so much. Between one thing and another, it just has seemed that we have only seen her here and there for a little bit. A few sleep overs, but one or the other of the kids, or me or mom has been getting sick or over tired. Anyway, today I got to see the kids play together, and Karma work with Mom in the garden, and then she came in to show me some homework and read to me. She was so grown up and doing so well with her studies. She was helpful and polite and everything I could have wanted from her. The kids were playing well together. I prayed and cried and agonized so much before looking at other schooling options for her, and then when it actually came time to do it I questioned myself and God repeatedly. Over the past few months when she kept getting sick, I asked God "REALLY?" "This is what you wanted? This is what I was supposed to do?" But watching her today, I received my sense of peace. This is what He saw in the changes we made. This is the "All things work together for the good of those who love god". She is closer to her mother then ever, they are really having fun together a lot. And THIS school is working for her. As I felt the Lord was telling me last year, it is the right school at the right time for her. And it was right for Tara and me, too. Now Tara's health is improving, and we can start to concentrate on education and extra-curricular for her. But we had to get her health evened out first, and Karma deserved to not be held back by that for this whole year. I am so blessed by seeing Karma flourishing. Thank you, Lord. (NIV) Proverbs 22:6 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

How "human" was Jesus?

I have always understood and accepted the deity of Christ. I know he was human enough to suffer and die. I accepted Christ as my savior at a young age and have never seriously doubted His reality, sacrifice, and love. But this year in CBS we studied the book of Luke, start to finish, in depth for 9 months. And I was impressed by His humanity in ways I never had been. He got tired, was "weary" when he met the Samaritan woman. He got frustrated. He did NOT want to be involved when the wine ran out at the wedding, but he honored his mother by dealing with the situation. And he could become physically weak. At the end of his earthly ministry, he was beaten and tortured. Dehydrated and hungry, suffering from blood loss, he fell under the physical burden of the cross and was unable to get up.

I suffer from a muscle disease, and a few years ago started falling down often. Now I use a walker or wheelchair to try to minimize falls and injuries, but things still happen. When I fall down, I am physically unable to get up without significant help. On March 1 I fell in Walmart and it took several people, eventually using a sheet to lift me up high enough to get onto my walker. During this 45 min ordeal I was frustrated, humiliated and scared. This is after 3 years of living with this disease. Prior to that, I was a NICU nurse. I am a single mom. I was a capable, productive, respected adult. Now I rarely drive, and am almost never alone, because it is not safe if I fall to not have someone there to get me help. Jesus might have been human, but I was not sure before the final days that he had ever even had a blister, little less dealt with severe physical limitations and frustrations, the challenges of parenting, etc.

But he spent 3 years shepherding the 12 disciples around. Sorry, no disrespect, but that had to be as hard as keeping up with my 2 kids. Can you just imagine Peter wandering off hither and yon, while Andrew kept asking, "Are we there yet?" and Judas tried continually to wiggle between Jesus and John. The disciples were human, with faults, weaknesses and strengths. Jesus was teaching them entirely different concepts from their previous religious training, and it had to be a challenge for everyone.

And then, for me, the kicker. Jesus was weak and fell down, and was physically unable to get up and keep going on his own. Someone else had to step in and help to carry His burden. Getting that cross to the top of the hill was His responsibility but he needed human, physical help to do it. And God sent the right help at the right time. But not before Jesus had reached the end of His endurance. Jesus truly knows how it feels to fall down and not be able to get up. To wonder, what do I do now? He doesn't just know the fear and humiliation of wondering what all these strangers are thinking of me... He was being jeered at and spit on, and KNEW what each of them was thinking. He had to humble himself to accept help. Jesus understands things about my specific challenges that I never realized he could or would. This weak moment of Jesus occurred at the pinnacle of His greatest service to mankind. Even while laying helpless on the ground he was serving man in the greatest way imaginable. I can put aside my fear, my humiliation, my confusion and self-doubts and continue to serve. As a christian. As a church member. In many ways I have not thought of before. I can no longer work in a critical care unit, or care for babies all day long. But with a little planning and trusting in God, a friend has figured out how I can hold and cuddle her baby without worrying that I will drop her or hurt her in any way. This was such a tremendous gift to me. I truly believed that caring for infants was my god given gift, and my joy, and to leave that job was devastating. God is showing me little by little His wonderful plan in my life. Just as Jesus had to get past the weakness and move forward with help to fulfill Gods wonderful plan for His life.

Notes about going Gluten Free and Vegan... Starting out

Yesterday we ate an Opal apple. It was so good. I went gluten free a month ago (mostly) and now Mom and I are moving toward Vegan eating. I am going to pick up a rice cooker for us and a very nice couple has given us a bread cooker so we can make our own bread. Mom made a great stir fry last night. I think I am already starting to feel better. Now I just have to get my wheelchair fixed and finish healing from my fall 2 weeks ago and we can start to really make some progress.